I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize