this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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