She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize