You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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