Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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