you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
