the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
