And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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