Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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