The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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