apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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