Please, let me fuck your mom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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