i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize