finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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