gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
