I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
