he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
