just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
