Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
