need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
