a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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