Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
