I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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