Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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