I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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