Soap is not a condiment
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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