Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
