why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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