she was so not down for the gang bang
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
