Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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