Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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