I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
