Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
