How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
