david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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