farters have to be the big spoon...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
