Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
