Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
