so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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