how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize