Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
