How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
