idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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