Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
