carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
