some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
