He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
