so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize