she takes plan B like it's going out of style
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize