By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize