i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
