At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
