Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The air taste purple.
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