Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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