16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had sex on a roof
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize