Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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