Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
