No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its about making memories worth repressing
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
