This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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