If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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