I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
