We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
