they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
