I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
