like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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