ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
