Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
